It’s easy to work with someone for months and still not really know them.
You chat in meetings, reply to threads, and react to a meme or two. But it stays surface-level. Safe. Transactional. And that’s fine, until it isn’t.
Because when shit happens (and they will), or you need to move fast, or trust someone’s judgment without context — that shallow connection suddenly matters a lot more than you think.
What helps me break the barrier?
Getting people out of the usual rhythm. No agenda. No “sync.” Just a walk. A drive. Coffee. A moment where the work isn’t the point.
Do you both drink? Go for some drinks!
That’s when people open up.
You may find out what makes them shine, what frustrates them, and what they care about outside the job title.
And weirdly, that’s when work gets easier too. Because suddenly there’s empathy. There’s context. There’s less guessing and less pretending.
You don’t need to force deep connections. Not everyone becomes your mate. But you do need to make space for them to happen. Especially in remote teams or fast-moving environments where it’s easy to slip into “just getting it done.”
It doesn’t take much.
But it does take intention.
Part of Tips for Software Engineers